Anesthetic
by Tabby34x
Summary: You puke and starve and drink and cut because you need the anesthetic and it works. For a while. But then it turns to poison and by then it is too late because you are mainlining it now, straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can't stop. FredxOC T for Anorexia.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello. This story is very important to me because it reflects the hardships that I have gone through in my life. I am currently suffering from Anorexia Nervosa and I am doing everything in my being to recover. I also have started cutting. I go in for weekly therapy and meals at a clinic. This story is a way for me to write when I'm going through difficult moments. If anyone has any questions or would like some advice, you are free to PM me. I would be glad to help.**

_Puke and starve and drink and cut because you need the anesthetic and it works.  
For a while.  
But then the anesthetic turns to poison and by then it is too late.  
You are now mainlining it straight into your soul.  
It is rotting you, and you can't stop._

I stood in front of the mirror, lifting my robes up to stare at the balloon that was my stomach. It extended at an odd angle, looking slightly deformed. Tears welled up in my dull, empty eyes. I couldn't eat. It was time for a fast. I dropped my robes, the tears escaping. I curled up into a ball on the floor, locking my arms around my knees, my face buried. I was so _hungry._ I felt like I might pass out. I wanted to be pretty, but _they_ didn't think I was. They yelled and laughed at me, obviously showing that I wasn't pretty in their eyes.

I wanted to join the TriWizard Tournament. That way, people might care about me. They might cheer for me, something. Even if I died in the process, I would still get some attention.

That's what I wanted. _Attention._ I needed it. I craved it. I wanted the other students to see me as more than that awkward girl, or the one who never spoke.

The bell rang, signaling dinner. The departure date for the carriages was tomorrow. I was planning on going, whether I joined or not. I walked slowly to the dinner hall, keeping my arms wrapped around my middle protectively. It blocked people from staring at my mid-section. I unconciously rubbed at the soft silk of my robes. It was a habit that I had.

The white hall was crowded, full of the students. Everyone was searching for seats after they had gotten off of the buffet. I eyed the buffet, my stomach growling. I pushed it away, and walked past it, grabbing a glass of water. I sat at the far table in the corner, alone. I eyed the other students with jealousy. They got to eat and stay skinny. I wanted to eat, yet I wouldn't let myself.

I watched as everyone cleared their plates, smiling happily. I gripped my glass in anger, teeth grinding together. I wanted to be happy. If I just lost the weight that I needed to, I would be. Why did I have to be the one that nobody cares about? Why did I have a screwed up mind? The tears ran down once again, making the rest of my makeup drip off.

As soon as the bell rang, a ran out of the hall, into the the cool, glass halls. I started feeling tired. I wanted to sleep. I forced my legs to keep pumping, pumping until I got to my room.

Quite frankly, that didn't happen. I saw spots clouding my vision, blinding me. My feet stopped moving. Darkness enveloped me, I heard nothing as I fell deep into the hands of darkness.

~_Doodly, doo~_

"Ellie? Are you okay, dear?" A motherly voice called. I instinctively knew who it was. Madame Maxime. I had no strength to open my eyes. She softly shook my shoulder, trying to get me to respond. "Please, wake up." My eyes flickered. I forced them open, to see the relieved face of Madame Maxime. "Zank goodness. You're awake." She breathed.

I tried to sit up. Madame Maxime helped push myself into a sitting position. "Dear, I know zat you aren't old enough to do zis... but could you please come with me to the tournament? You won't be able to enter, but it's just for your own zafety." My eyes widened. I would be able to go? A small smile spread across my face.

"I would love to." I cheered quietly.

She smiled. "Zank you zo much for doing zis."

She took me back to the dorm. She probably would have taken me to the hospital wing if our school had one.

"We're leaving early tomorrow morning. It would be best if you would pack tonight."

"Je vous remercie de m'avoir aide." Thank you very much. "Je le ferai." I will. I walked up to the dorms, a half-smile upon my face. Once I got to my room, I grabbed my trunk, and started piling it full of my belongings. I set my wand on my nightstand for tomorrow. I was ready for the morning.

I layed down on my bed, fully clothed, and fell asleep, excited for the day to come.

**So, what do you guys think? Leave it in a review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to those who reviewed. :) I'll do my best to stay on the path to recovery. Sorry it took so long to update. I just found out that my best friend is cutting, along with myself. Teenage drama.**

The sun peeked through the curtains of the bare white room. It was the morning that I left. I smiled excitedly. I would finally be able to see Scotland.

I hopped out of bed and hopped into the shower, grabbing my nice, blue silk robes. If I was going there, I had to make a good impression. I didn't want people to judge me and think I was _ugly _or _fat. _The hot water helped release my muscles, letting me finally relax. I could stay under the water forever. There was a bang on the door, followed by a "'urry up!"

I blushed. I hate it when somebody got upset with me.

I quickly finished up my shower, magicking my makup onto my face. Again, with the need to make a good impression. I stepped out of the bathroom, to meet the angry face of Victoria.

"Finally." she grumbled.

"Zorry." I whispered meekly. I stepped out of her way before she could shove me away. I stumbled out of the dorms, gripping the handle of my trunk tightly. We would be leaving in thirty minutes, and I liked being early.

I front of the palace, stood a luxurious white carriage, pulled by a set of six white flying horses. They were magnifique.

I took a good ten minutes staring in awe of the carriage, so people were already arriving to load on. I hopped into it, gawking at the white silk seats and chandelier hanging from the ceiling. I was followed by a group of seventh years, chattering excitedly to each other in French.

The cart was full, with voices echoing off of the walls. I grimaced. It was uncomfortably full. There was too many people, but it was worth it.

The cart lurched, sending me out of the seat, causing me to crash into another girl's lap. Fleur, I think it was.

" I'm so zorry!" I exclaimed, blushing. She smiled, telling me that there was no problem.

After that, the cart moved gracefully, with no more lurching. I stared out of the window, in awe of the green grass and cloudless skies. In the distance I saw a great castle. It must have been Hogwarts. We moved closer. By now I could see the students leaning out of the windows of the corridors, watching us come closer.

It was really distracting. Everywhere I looked I saw bright orange hair. There must have been a fire-crotch family. I giggled to myself.

We got closer, close enough that I could define each student's face. The carriage landed, the horses neighing and kicking their hooves. The doors opened, each of us filing out gracefully.

I watched everyone of the students, watching us. They smiled and waved, hollering at us. The crowd split, an old, bearded man walking towards us.

"Hello, students of BeauxBatons!" He smiled. "I am Dumbledore. Nice to meet you."

Madame Maxime walked to him, her arms out in a hug. She towered over him. "Oh Dumblydore. I missed you." He hugged her back.

He turned to us. "You'll be staying with the Griffindors for the duration of your visit. " We nodded. He gestured a young student over. "This is Percy, Head Boy. He'll answer any questions that you have." We followed Percy through the corridors, the red-heads cheering. I could here a few perverted jokes being thrown around. Heat rushed to my face.

We followed him to a painting of a very large woman.

"Gillyweed." He spoke, the door opening. "You guys will be staying in the dorms. We have separate rooms for each of you. Please talk to me if you have any questions." He left, leaving us standing awkwardly in the middle of the common room.

Everyone was talking excitedly to each other.

"I'm so glad to have them staying with us!"

"They're hot. H-O-T. Hot."

I rolled my eyes, sitting down on the warm couch. Someone sat down next to me.

"Oy, I'm Fred. Nice to meet you." He smiled, holding his hand out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ay, yai, yai! I haven't updated in forever. I'm super sorry. I had a family emergency and I'm dealing with my mental health, all of that dramatic stuff. My mother went into the hospital Christmas night, so I've been busy. Now with school starting I hope I can get back into a regular schedule. **

**Hope you enjoy, and thank you so much for those who are reviewing and following this. It really means a lot to me.**

_"Oy, I'm Fred! Nice to meet you." He smiled, holding his hand out._

"Bon jour, I'm Ellie." I spoke quietly, extending ending my out to meet his freckled one.

He grinned. A carbon copy appeared behind him, resting his arm along Fred's shoulder. A gasp escaped my lips as I examined the two boys. They had the same long red hair, bright blue eyes, and pale freckled skin. The only distinction between the two was an array of freckles that didn't match up with each other.

"Hey Georgie! This is Ellie, from Beauxbatons. Ellie, meet my twin brother, George."

I smiled slightly as I shook his hand. Maybe I would be able to be accepted. I felt a spark in my eyes, that quickly diminished as I thought of leaving Hogwarts, to go back to Beauxbatons.

A quick burst of anger flowed through me. It wasn't fair! The one time that I have a possibility of being happy, it won't last very long.

They went on either side of me, wrapping their arms around my shoulders. I stumbled as they rushed to dinner. I wondered why they weren't in class. Maybe they had a free period?

Ah, dinner. I grimaced. My stomach churned at the thought, though this time, instead of hunger, it was more of a sickness.

They walked me -more like shoved me- to the place I assumed was the great hall.

Four tables were placed symmetrically along the length of the hall, with one long one extending across the width of the hall. A single golden chair stood out along the table. I assumed that it was for the headmaster.

I sat inbetween Fred and George. Two girls sat across from us, and I didn't fail to notice the one on the right eyeing George with a dreamy look in her eyes. I could just imagine the dirty things that she was thinking of, shagging George over the desk while spanking him with a paddle and telling him what a bad boy he is... Wow. I didn't know that my mind could come with such vivid descriptions of sex...

Fred introduced me to the two girls. The girl on the right was Katie and the girl on the left was Angelina.

Headmaster Dumbledore instructed for us to stay after dinner for instructions on how to enter the tournament.

"One thing that everyone should know, is that _no one_, I mean no one, can enter the tournament that is under seventeen."

Shouts filled the room.

"Rubbish!" Fred spoke from next to me, shaking his fist in the air.

"That's not fair!"

I had to admit, I was gravely disappointed that I couldn't join the competition, but at least I had the dignity to be calm, unlike many of the other students.

Mentally, I screamed at myself. I wanted to join! I needed the attention involved with winning! The corner of my mouth twitched, momentarily forming into a angry expression. It went away as soon as it came.

Dinner appeared on the tables. It was a feast of pork, rolls, and a multitude of vegetables. I didn't want my newfound _friends _to be suspicious of me. I gave myself a scoop of carrots, and some banana pudding. I picked the bananas out of it, eating thea fad leaving the filling.

As I looked up, I noticed the group looking at me, raising their eyebrows. I think they might've been judging my pace of eating. I was just starting my carrots when they were finishing up their meal.

I blushed and shoveled the carrots into my mouth, almost gagging at the speed. By the end, my stomach was flopping around, complaining about the amount that I ate.

"Hey, Ellie? You okay?" Fred turned towards me placing a hand on my shoulder. "You look green."

I took a few deep breaths, muttering a "I'm fine."

Fred obviously didn't believe me. He asked Katie to take me to the hospital wing. I felt bile rise up in my throat. I swallowed it down, finally accepting their help. Before I left, I asked the twins to tell me about the tournament.

We arrived in the wing. I didn't get to speak a word as I threw up all over the floor.

A short, curly haired woman came and ushered me into a bed, reluctantly. I fell asleep the Katie and the nurse talking about what was going on.


	4. Chapter 4

**. More late updates. Sorry it's so short! I'll probably say sorry at every chapter with how bad I feel. My inspiration comes in bursts. For a while, I get sick of writing, then an hour later, I can't do anything but type up chapters.**

_I fell asleep to Katie and the nurse talking about what was going on._

The sunlight peeking through the stained-glass windows woke me up. I sat up to see that the hospital wing was completely empty. How long had I been out?

Footsteps caught my attention. They were heavy, suggesting that they were coming from a multitude of people.

I straightened my back as I saw the Hogwarts professor come in with Madame Maxime, Madame Pomfrey, Katie, and Fred and George. They all turned their heads towards me when they saw that I was awake. Fred, George, and Katie got huge grins on their faces and ran up to enbrace me in their arms. I didn't understand what made them so happy to see me...

Fred and George pulled me off of the bed and made everyone join in on a group hug. They started swaying back and forth, humming a tune.

"Uh...What's going on?" I asked timidly.

"We were worried." Fred replied. He opened his mouth to say something else, but Madame Maxime cut him off.

"Professor Dumbledore and I would like to speak to Ellie privately for a moment. Could you please leave?"

"Why sh-"

"It is critical that we address this situation. Katie, may you join us?" The twins walked out, scuffing their feet along the floor and sighing theatrically.

"Ellie, it has been brought to our attention that you may be suffering from a disease." Dumbledore spoke, his voice soft.

"What disease?" I was clueless. I had no idea what they were talking about.

"It's a disorder. Mainly found in muggles, it can be fatal if not treated." Madame Pomfrey crooned. They better not be suggesting what I think they are... "Anorexia."

Tears filled my eyes. I was NOT anorexic. I couldn't be. Could I? "No." I spoke in a whisper. "NO." My voice grew to a loud tone. "NO!" I started yelling. I started flailing around in the bed. I swung my legs over the edge.

"Patrificus totalus." Dumbledore pointed his wand at me. I was frozen, lying down on the floor. The tears spilled. I was sobbing hysterically. Madame Maxime kneeled down next to me. My muscles released, letting me wrap me arms around her and cry in her shoulder.

"Deary, I know this is hard for you. We'll get you help. You just might have to stay here for a while. You may not be able to come back to BeauxBatons."

There was a knock on the hospital wing door, followed by some worried voices.

"We're going to have to tell the twins. We are going to have Katie and them watch your eating, to help encourage you to eat in a more normalized manner. Come in!"

The twins walked in, their smiles dropping as they saw the situation: me curled up in a ball on the floor, with Madame Maxime kneeling next to me.

"What's going on?" Fred rushed next to me, George moving to stand by Katie.

"Ellie, well..." There was an awkward pause. "She is sick with a disorder and we need you two and Katie to moniter her."

"What disorder?"

"Anorexia."

Their faces took on a weird expression. "I thought only muggles got that?"

"Myth." Madame Maxime spoke sharply .

"What would you like us to moniter?"

"Her eating, her sleeping patterns. Mainly her eating because we need to get her stablized."

"Or..?" Fred raised an eyebrow.

"Or we will have to send her to St. Mungos."

"...Okay...Well, lets go get a slice of cake!" My eyes widened. He looked at me and then started apologizing profusly. "I'm sorry! Really!"

"Uh, um, it's fine." I stuttered.

"We need to go to lunch. Madame Pomfrey and I set up a meal plan showing what you need to eat. Make sure you try to follow it."

I looked at the plan.

Breakfast: 1 Grain, 1 Fruit, 1 Dairy, 1 Fat.  
Lunch: 2 Proteins, 2 Grains, 1 Vegetable, 1 Dairy, 1 Fat.  
Dinner: 3 Proteins, 1 Grain, 2 Vegetables, 2 Fats.  
Night Snack: 1 Grain, 1 Dairy.

That's a lot of food. Great.


	5. AN

**Hey, I know I haven't updated in a while. At first it was because of school and whatnot, but lately I've been on an extreme writer's block. I haven't even been on in over a month.**

**I won't abandon this story. There IS still hope for it to continue.**

**I've been considering this for a while, but...I've been wanting to rewrite it. My writing style has changed dramatically since I started this, and I feel that the plot has gone a little too fast.**

**If I rewrite it (which I'm sure I will at some point) it will all be under the same name, same cover, and pretty much the same summary.**

**I will post another AN on this story once the new one goes up.**

**Thank you so much for your support. I've almost completed recovery. :) Currently, I'm doing great, and I plan to keep it that way.**

**Virtual cookies to all of you! Again, thank you so much!**

**Love,  
Tabby34x**


	6. AN 2

**Okay! The next chapter will be up in the next 30 minutes to an hour.**

**If you can't find it, check on my profile.**

**Also, make sure to read the AN on the rewrite. It's got some important info.**

**:) Thanks guys! See you soon!**


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